You Raise Me Up

I'm dedicating this blog to Ah Ma. Who has always taught me many ways to become a better person, the person who I am today. Above is her favorite song. Sung by Josh Groban and until today.. Tears run down my eyes.

It wasn't easy seeing Ah Ma go thru this pain. We had to learn to accept things a step at a time. Today, I talked to Aunt Joyce, she said.. We have to learn to accept it bit by bit. Maybe it leaves a bigger impact on me because Ah Ma has been with me forever. She was my mother figure, my role model. My rock. Yes, indeed she was always the rock that I could lean on all the time. 

I mentioned before I hate Alzheimers, I hate Parkinsons, and I absolutely hate stroke! I hate it because they have affected both the people I love most. And it kills to seem them go through all this things. 

I try not to cry in front of them each time I see them suffer. Especially Ah Ma, I miss how she used to be old active self. Her humble, caring and loving motherly person. It saddens me that she can no longer remember what kind of person she used to be, how amazing she was to so many people, how she always touched other's heart. I pray each night, that I don't have to see them suffer that much. God, if it is your will. If it is your will. 

I wish I have told Ah Ma how much I loved her when she was fine, I wished I never fought with her. I wished I never treated her cold heartedly. I wish I would listen to her, I wish I just behaved myself when she was still herself. If I could have those times again, If I could just turn back the clock to just have her the way she was. I'd just tell her how much I love her, and how much she has done for me to make me a better person. How big of an impact she has become to me. I love you Ah Ma.

~* Clare Chiara *~