Letting Go.. Bit by bit..

Each time I look down at the tattoo on my wrist.. I think of him. It was because of Grandpa, I had it tattooed on my wrist. I wanted to look at the tattoo and know how much my grandfather has given to me.. to know that I would grow up to be like him.

The kids surround me and I hold back my tears. I have to be strong, but somehow it's always so hard. Letting go is hard, but we all know it's for the best.. He does not have to suffer anymore. 

It's the hardest thing to do, I grew up with him. He was literally my father figure. As I walked in to CCU, machine sounds were not welcoming. His breathing was heavy, he was having difficulty breathing. Mom and I held his hand, tears flooded down my cheeks. I kept telling mom, 'this is hard.' 'This is so hard.'

His eyes were not open, he was too weak to open his eyes. I put my head close to his ears and whispered. 'I love you Ah Kong, so much.' And again the tears were running down. I did not want him to hear me cry so I had to stop to calm myself down before I spoke again.

The machines were not much of a help.. It was insane!

And again, I whispered in his ears. 'It's going to be alright Ah Kong, but if you cannot hold on anymore you have to let go.. It's not easy.. But you have to try. We will be fine, I promise you I will take care of Ah Ma and Mom and Clarence. And dad too.'

Tears automatically took over.. 'Let go Ah Kong, it's time for you to let go.. There is nothing you can do anymore.. Let go, we cannot bear to see you this way.'

It hurts to be able to say those things.. It's never easy. It's not easy to tell someone that you need to let go. Especially when that someone means the world to you. Death is such a game. Such a dreadful thing. 

All I can do now, is Pray.. Pray that God will take Ah Kong away, slowly.. and nicely to bring him home to a better place. 

~* Clare Chiara *~