#clarespeaks: A Letter to My Unborn Children.

( Few weeks back I decided to write a letter to my unborn children, didn't have the right time till now. I have been honestly dealing with depression everyday, and one of the ways I thought would help ease the pain a little was to write them a letter. A simple letter.. Please I am not asking for sympathy, I am not asking for anything from any of you.. But all I ask is that you as a parent, love your child. Because there are some of us who are not that blessed and go through a lot in hopes of having our own.. So here goes..)

My dear angels,

How is everything up there? Are you all being well taken care of? Have you met your great grandparents and uncles yet? I get to see glimpse of all 9 of you in my dreams, I miss you all. Do you even know who I am? I'm your mother.

Yes, your mommy.

My dear children, first of all I am so sorry. Please forgive me for not being strong, for not having a strong womb to be able to hold all of you. Mommy is very weak, I never cared about the food I ate, I never cared about my weight. I never bothered to learn and understand what was good for my body and what was not. Exercise and health was never my priority.. And now it's too late.. Forgive me for not making you my priority. Forgive me for not fighting for you.

Daddy is doing so well, you all would have been so proud of him. Daddy would have loved spending time with each and everyone of you. Don't blame him for not being there when Mommy was going through all the pain. He always works very hard to make sure we can have a perfect home to welcome your future sibling. You all would have loved your daddy, he loves children. He would drop everything when you guys needed him. You should see your daddy with your cousins Ryu and Rie.. How he adores them, which shows he will give all the love in the world for the rest of you. He has so much patience and love for your uncle Clarence and your aunties Joey and Gabby. He loves all of them so much, just as much as he loves all of you. I believe you have seen him play with them, the love he shows to all the children in our family sometimes, goes beyond words. Mommy is very lucky to have daddy.

There are times I cry when I think of you all. I cannot believe I will never ever be able to do things with you all like normal parents would. There are some parents who would mistreat their own children, give them away or worst abort them. They don't understand the pain that we have gone through. That get's me angry and worked up and sometimes, mommy would cry and ask your daddy why are we not that blessed to have that child so we can show them the love they needed. But, maybe God thinks it's not time for us yet.. I've always wished I was able to hold you in my arms, kiss you on your forehead to tell you I love you or comfort you and tell you things are going to be ok when you cry. Or sing lullabies to calm your crankiness. I've always wanted to hold your tiny fingers and kiss you tiny feet and watch you grow into a beautiful human being, but God had bigger plans for all of you..

Anyways, Mommy and Daddy have decided to adopt. Why? Because like your daddy said, maybe we were put on earth to love another persons child. But it does not matter who they are, what they are, or even the color of their skin.. We will love that child as much as we love all of you. Mommy is just too weak and I am not willing to let another one of your sibling leave me. It hurts, just how it kills me not having all of you with me. Yes, mommy has to be strong and keep going on. I'm doing the best that I can, so is your daddy.

Now, be good little angels up there, take care of your great grandparents for me. And all your uncles and aunties too. Be strong and love, be god fearing and know that we both love all of you unconditionally. Watch over the both of us and send us your love every now and then. Know that we love you all very much. I would do anything to have you all in my life, but let's all pray that you get a new sibling soon. Come visit me in my dreams.. I miss you all so  much. Take care of one another, till I see you again some other time on heaven shores.

I love you all very very much. We love you all very very much.

Love, Mommy.
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